dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
