just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
