we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
