so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize