No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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