Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
