haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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