There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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