she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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