I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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