its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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