I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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