This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
