I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
