Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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