i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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