Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
