I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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