I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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