Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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