You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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