I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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