WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
