his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Send help, water and tortillas.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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