I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
