I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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