dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
