do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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