so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize