i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
