The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
