i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
