she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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