so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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