About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
