the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
