Just fell off a train. Bad.
I cockslap morals
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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