Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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