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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
