Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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