jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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