He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
