It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just found a bag of teeth...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm sobbing to NWA
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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