You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
