Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
