Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
