Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize