Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
