I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
