we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
