Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
