sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
