i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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