i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
