Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
