I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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