I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have already put on my inside pants.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize