the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
