I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize