I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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