im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize