Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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