Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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